Cycle tracking is a super useful tool to help you better understand and connect with your body.
If you aren't familiar with how to track your cycle, it involves things like keeping a record of the length and time of your period, what phase of your cycle you are in, and what symptoms you experience during each phase.
Beyond knowing where you're at in your cycle, we suggest getting familiar with each of the 5 things below to help better understand your body and cycle.
As a reminder, your cycle starts on the first day of your period and ends the day before your next period. The first day of your period = day 1. A typical cycle can last anywhere from 21 to 35 days. If your cycle is much shorter or longer than that, it can be worth checking with your doctor to ensure everything is regular.
Also important is whether or not the length of your cycle is consistent. Do you find your cycle usually lasts the same length of time? Or does it fluctuate (i.e. one month it's 21 days, another month is 35 days). Typically it's pretty normal for the cycle the fluctuate by a few days, but drastic fluctuations might be worth discussing with your doctor.
It's also worth noting that irregular cycles are common for people who have just began menstruating within the last couple years (i.e. in the teen years).
This might be an obvious one, but keeping track of the length of your actual period is good practice as well. Not only is it just convenient to know how long you can expect it to last, but it can help to keep track of whether it is consistently the same length or not. Typically the menstrual phase lasts from 2-7 days, so anything drastically less or more than that might be worth discussing with your doctor.
Pinpointing when you might be ovulating can be tricky. Many cycle tracking apps use the "rhythm method" or the "calendar method" which means they predict ovulation happens about 14 days before your next period. But this isn't a very reliable way to track ovulation.
You can use tools like the basal body temperature method, LH test strips, or tracking cervical mucus to better identify ovulation.
It's also worth noting that the time of ovulation in your cycle can change based on things like stress, travel, environment, etc.
It's also worth noting how ovulation makes you feel. In theory, ovulation is typically the time when you feel the most outgoing, your skin is clear, and your sex drive is at it's highest. But this isn't the case for everyone. Some people experience cramping (aka "mittelschmertz") and bloating around ovulation. Keeping track of how you feel during ovulation is helpful so that you can anticipate it each month.
Lastly, keep an eye on how you feel during your luteal phase. As a reminder, the luteal phase is the time after ovulation and before your next period. Often this is when we experience symptoms of PMS (premenstrual syndrome) and feel bloated, irritable, sluggish, and headaches. It's helpful to know if you experience particularly negative symptoms during the luteal phase so you can give yourself some grace during that time.
Ultimately, taking the time to track your cycle can give you a ton of insight about yourself and your body. Getting familiar with these 5 key things can help you work with your cycle rather than against it, and leverage the superpower that is the female reproductive system!
]]>
Of course, we know how important knowing our STI status is. But there are valid reasons why experts (like the CDC) recommend against herpes screening for individuals who are asymptomatic.
Herpes is a common viral infection caused by the herpes simplex virus (HSV). There are 2 main types:
There is no cure for herpes, but antiviral medications can help manage and reduce outbreaks caused by the virus.
However, not everyone will show symptoms of herpes. In fact, between 75% and 90% of people with HSV-2 (genital herpes) may not even be aware that they have the virus, as they may never develop symptoms. It is also possible to contract HSV-1 (oral herpes) without experiencing symptoms.
It's actually more common NOT to experience any symptoms of herpes than it is to be symptomatic.
But, unlike other STIs, herpes does not lead to any long-term complications even though it is life-long and incurable.
It's worth noting that screening & testing are not the same thing.
Screening = no symptoms are present
Testing = symptoms are present
So if you go in for your routine STI screening and have no symptoms, your doctor will likely not check for HSV. However, if you have symptoms, you will likely be tested.
When a person has an active outbreak (i.e. blisters, sores), a swab can be taken and tests can detect the virus directly. However, if no symptoms are present, a blood test can be taken to look for antibodies in the blood.
It's important to note that a herpes test cannot determine when you contracted the virus or how long you have had it.
There are a few reasons why experts recommend against screening for HSV.
It can be unsettling to know that HSV isn’t something that is being routinely screened for. But the first step in reducing your risk is to practice safer sex with barrier methods, like condoms.
It can be surprising that something with such a stigma isn't a priority to doctors - but the reality is that it is a common, mostly harmless, virus. In fact, the stigma causes more harm than the actual infection does. Which is a major reason why screening isn't recommended.
Ultimately, it is important to reject the stigma around genital herpes, know the symptoms to watch out for, and get tested if you have symptoms.
https://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/screening.htm
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/planned-parenthood-st-louis-region-southwest-missouri/blog/why-cant-i-be-tested-for-all-sexually-transmitted-infections#:~:text=Herpes,t%20prevent%20herpes%20from%20spreading.
https://www.self.com/story/why-doctors-dont-usually-test-herpes
https://www.plannedparenthoodaction.org/planned-parenthood-advocates-arizona/blog/std-awareness-asymptomatic-shedding-of-herpes#:~:text=But%20the%20virus%20can%20also,which%20you%20can%20potentially%20transmit.
https://www.hims.com/blog/is-asymptomatic-herpes-a-thing
https://www.ashasexualhealth.org/herpes-testing/
]]>
First thing's first:
During the menstrual cycle, when the hormone estrogen rises, cervical fluid is produced by the cervix. When this fluid is wet and slippery, it helps with conception by making it easier for the sperm to swim up the vagina and into the uterus to meet the egg.
About 1-4 days after your period ends, cervical fluid is typically dry or tacky.
This is before ovulation, when you are typically not fertile.
About 4-6 days after your period ends, cervical fluid is typically sticky and white.
This is before ovulation, when you are typically not fertile.
About 7-9 days after your period ends, cervical fluid is typically cloudy and creamy.
This is just before ovulation, when you may be semi-fertile.
About 10-14 days after your period ends, cervical fluid is typically stretchy and slippery, like raw egg white. This is just before the egg is released, when you are typically the most fertile.
Tracking your cervical fluid can help identify when you’re the most fertile. This information can be used by people who want to prevent pregnancy, or those who want to get pregnant.
Those who are preventing pregnancy should use protection or another form of birth control or abstain from sex during the semi-fertile and fertile days when the cervical fluid becomes cloudy, creamy, or slippery. Those who are trying to conceive can do the opposite.
Keep in mind that tracking your cervical fluid isn’t a very reliable form of contraception. Always consult your healthcare provider for guidance.
Sources:
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/21957-cervical-mucus#:~:text=Cervical%20mucus%20is%20produced%20by,the%20same%20all%20the%20time.
https://www.verywellfamily.com/fertile-cervical-mucus-but-no-ovulation-on-bbt-chart-1960234#:~:text=1%20While%20fertile%20quality%20cervical,also%20have%20irregular%20menstrual%20cycles.
https://wukawear.com/blogs/periods-a-z/vaginaldischarge?shpxid=983cb007-3b2f-4bd5-9888-9893bc5034c0
]]>1. When we have sex for the first time, we don’t “lose” anything.
Virginity is not something to be taken.The concept of virginity praises purity and shames those who choose to explore sex.
2. People with a vagina aren’t “supposed” to bleed from first time sex.
While it’s true that you may bleed from the hymen being stretched open - this doesn’t necessarily happen from first time sex (or from sex at all). Many people with vaginas are born without a hymen, or it ruptures in other ways (not from intercourse). It’s perfectly normal to not bleed during first time sex.
3. Virginity is not a medical term.
There is no medical or scientific definition of virginity. It’s a concept that came from society, culture, and religion. Historically, men were taught to look for the “purest womb” to bear their children. This notion has created shame for women who choose to have multiple partners. Men have not been taught to stay “pure” for their partner in the same way that women have.
4. Virginity is a heteronormative term.
Lastly, “virginity’ suggests that sex is defined by penis/vagina intercourse - which is not the case. Sex exists in many forms regardless of anatomy.
]]>
1. For most of us, they actually don’t do much for our pleasure at all...
Ribbed for her pleasure condoms are usually ribbed near the tip of the condom, meaning it stimulates the upper part of the vagina during intercourse. However, it’s the lower third of the vagina and the vulva where the most sensation is. That’s where you really want to focus when it comes to her pleasure! That being said, everyone experiences pleasure differently, so if ribbed condoms enhance your pleasure - great!
2. On the other hand, they can cause irritation and discomfort.
The texture of the ribs are there to add friction. Often, that friction can become unpleasurable. Too much friction can cause irritation for some people. People with vaginas are biologically more prone to irritation and painful sex, meaning textured condoms are usually better to avoid. So much for her pleasure. If you do enjoy a little extra friction, adding lube can help. Keep in mind, adding lube is best practice whether you’re using textured condoms or not.
3. Women don’t need gimmicks to find sex pleasurable.
While it’s nice to see some acknowledgment of female pleasure in the condom aisle, it feels like a bit of a gimmick. We don’t need ribs, dots, heating, or cooling sensations for safe sex to be pleasurable. Suggesting that safe sex isn’t inherently pleasurable only further perpetuates the idea that sex with condoms is “less pleasurable.” And that narrative is harmful - especially for women, who have more at stake when it comes to safe sex.
]]>
But sexual health is important for your overall wellbeing. So if you need a place to start, here's a framework for you to check-in with yourself. We like to think of it as "The 5 P's."
The 5 P's include: Partners, Practices, Past, Pregnancy Prevention/Planning, and Protection.
It's worth noting that medical professionals typically use the 5 P's to help assess your sexual health. However, their questions are just meant to gather important information on your sexual history and won't go as deep as the ones listed below. For example, a doctor might ask you about your number of sexual partners, whether you use protection, when you were last screened for STIs, etc. We've taken the categories of the framework and made the questions a bit deeper and more personal for the purposes of your own self-check-in.
1.Partners
2.Practices
3.Past
4.Pregnancy Prevention/Planning
5.Protection
When you're using the above framework, feel free to take what's useful and leave what's not. This is just an overarching guide to help you check-in with yourself and figure out what's working and what isn't.
]]>According to Dr. Laurie Mintz, 30% of women report having pain at their last instance of penetrative sex.
Overall, research suggests that women are more likely to experience pain during sex than men.
But sex isn't supposed to hurt! Yes, even first-time sex should be painless. Just because it's common doesn't mean it's normal.
So, why do we experience discomfort?
Well, anatomically speaking, people with vaginas have a complex reproductive system that has many different sources for pain and discomfort (i.e. the vagina, cervix, uterus, ovaries). People with vaginas can be prone to things like vaginal dryness, vaginismus, and endometriosis, which can all contribute to pain during sex.
Here are some common reasons for pain during sex:
Vaginal dryness:
One of the most common reasons for pain during sex is vaginal dryness. There are a number of reasons for this, including: not enough foreplay, hormonal changes, medical conditions, or arousal non-concordance (when your brain is aroused but you aren’t experiencing vaginal lubrication in response). The good news is: lube can help! It’s good practice to incorporate lube into your sexual experiences regardless, as it helps reduce friction and can enhance overall pleasure. If you’re using condoms, remember to choose either a silicone-based or water-based lube, and avoid oil-based lubes which can cause breakage.
Vaginismus
Vaginismus is when the muscles of the vagina involuntarily contract during penetration, making sex painful or impossible. It can be caused by anxiety, trauma, or other psychological factors. Common signs of Vaginismus include: trouble inserting a tampon, struggling with vaginal penetration, and burning or stinging during sex. Treatment for Vaginismus might involve things like: managing your feelings around penetration, relaxation techniques, and pelvic floor exercises.
Endometriosis
Endometriosis is a condition where the tissue that lines the uterus grows outside of it, causing pain and discomfort during sex and other activities. Endo is notoriously underdiagnosed. The exact cause of it is not well understood, but it is thought to be related to hormonal imbalances and genetic factors. It is a chronic condition and is estimated to affect 10% of women of reproductive age. Certain treatment options can help manage the symptoms and improve quality of life, such as: pain relievers, surgery, or other therapies. A supportive healthcare provider should help you develop a treatment plan that suits your needs and preferences.
Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID)
PID is an infection of the female reproductive organs that can cause pain during sex, as well as other symptoms such as fever, abdominal pain, and irregular periods. Symptoms of PID can include abdominal or pelvic pain, fever, abnormal vaginal discharge, painful urination, and painful intercourse. If left untreated, PID can lead to serious complications such as infertility, chronic pain, and ectopic pregnancy. Treatment for PID typically involves a course of antibiotics to eliminate the infection. The specific type of antibiotics and duration of treatment will depend on the severity of the infection and the individual's overall health.
In Conclusion…
It’s important to note that all genders can experience pain during sex. Penis owners might experience pain if they have conditions such as Peyronie's disease, prostate inflammation, or genital infections.
As always, it’s important to consult with a doctor if you’re experiencing continued discomfort.
]]>Goal-Oriented Sex
Goal-Oriented sex is pretty much what it sounds like: it refers to sexual activity that is focused on achieving a specific goal or outcome. For example: achieving orgasm or conceiving a child.
One of the downfalls of goal-oriented sex is that it focuses more on the physical act than on the emotional or relational aspects of sex. Achieving orgasm is great - but are you too focused on the goal that you're forgetting to enjoy the moment and truly connect with your partner?
Being too focused on the goal can lead to pressure, performance anxiety, and negative emotions. For example: if you're too focused on achieving orgasm you might feel frustrated if it doesn't come easily.
But it's not all bad! For some people, having a specific goal or outcome in mind during sexual activity can add excitement and motivation, and even enhance pleasure and intimacy. For example, if you and your partner are trying to conceive a child, that goal might bring you closer together and be an all around exciting and intimate experience.
Try reflecting on your recent sexual experiences. Were you focused on a goal? And if so, did it lead to positive & exciting emotions? Or did it cause a sense of frustration and/or anxiety?
Pleasure-Based Intimacy
Pleasure-based intimacy, on the other hand, is sexual activity that is focused on experiencing pleasure and intimacy rather than achieving specific goals or outcomes. The only 'goal' here is to enjoy the physical sensations and emotional connection in the moment, rather than having expectations.
This means forgetting about trying to achieving orgasm for yourself or for your partner. There are no goals, remember? Simply do what feels good mutually for you and your partner. Really dial up the communication and explore each other's desires in a safe and consensual way.
Leaning into pleasure-based intimacy is a part of a healthy sexual relationship. It really allows partners to focus on mutual pleasure and enjoyment without the pressure of goals or outcomes. It helps build emotional intimacy and trust, and can lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying sexual relationship over time.
Don't know where to start? Here are some tips for a pleasure-based approach to intimacy.
1. Communicate! Talk with your partner about what feels good for them and tell them what feels good for you. Help each other understand your desires and what is most pleasurable for the both of you.
2. Foreplay is the focus, not penetration. Really spend time exploring each other's bodies and building anticipation and arousal.
3. Take it slow. There's nothing to rush toward, because there are no specific goals or outcomes. Enjoy the moment. Take it slow. Focus on the here and now.
4. Be safe. This means using protection unless you've both explicitly agreed not to. It's hard to be in the moment if you're worrying about your safety.
5. Practice aftercare. Take time to talk, cuddle, or just be together after you've explored each other's pleasure. This can help you both feel more connected and satisfied afterward.
Ultimately, pleasure-based intimacy is about being in the moment and connecting with your partner. By taking the goals and outcomes out of the equation, you can enhance the pleasure and enjoyment for both you and your partner.
]]>Sometimes acts of self-care can be difficult in the moment (re: the many people who think that using protection 'kills the mood'). But practicing these actions are what benefit your future self.
Self-Soothing
Self-soothing focuses on feeling better in the present moment. While important, these actions generally have a short-term effect rather than improving long term wellbeing.
Examples of self-soothing:
Self-Care
Self-care, on the other hand, can be uncomfortable or inconvenient in the moment - but will support your longterm growth and wellbeing.
Examples of self-care:
Acts of self-care can drastically improve your self-confidence.
Most human behavior can be divided into four key areas:
The more you engage in genuine self-care by adopting habits that fall within 1 & 2, the more your self-esteem will build.
Having too many habits that fall into categories 3 & 4, on the other hand, can hurt your self-confidence.
Imagine this:
If you had a friend who was constantly doing things that hurt you, you wouldn’t trust them. The same goes for your relationship with yourself. The more you engage in acts of kindness for yourself, the more you trust yourself & the more confidence you build.
As you go through your day, audit your habits and see what categories they fall into. Without judgment, see if you can start replacing some of your 3 & 4 habits with 1 & 2 habits.
]]>Preventing pregnancy has physical, emotional, and financial costs to it. And the burden of birth control is often placed disproportionately on people who can become pregnant.
The Physical Burden:
Different types of birth control have different physical effects on the body. For example, hormonal contraceptives like the pill, patch, or intrauterine devices (IUDs) can cause side effects such as weight gain, nausea, headaches, and mood changes. Some people may also experience pain or discomfort when using certain types of contraceptives, such as the contraceptive implant or diaphragm. Condoms can also cause discomfort if they're made with common irritants like spermicides, fragrances, flavors, etc.
The Emotional Burden:
Birth control can also take an emotional toll on folks who do not want to become pregnant. Some people may experience anxiety or stress related to the use of contraception, such as worrying about forgetting to take a pill or having to convince their partner to use a condom. Some people may even feel guilty or conflicted about their use of birth control, particularly if it conflicts with their religious or cultural beliefs.
The Financial Burden:
The access & cost of contraception can also be a financial burden, particularly for those without insurance or who live in areas with limited access to healthcare. Contraceptive methods like the pill or IUD can be expensive, and insurance coverage for birth control can vary depending on the individual's plan and location. Additionally, the cost of regular appointments for check-ups and prescription refills can add up over time.
Overall, the physical, emotional, and financial burden of birth control can vary depending on the individual and the method used. It is important to recognize the different ways in which birth control can be burdensome and to work towards improving access and reducing the barriers to using effective contraception.
Share The Responsibility!
Pregnancy prevention should be a shared responsibility! If you’re in an intimate relationship with someone who is trying to prevent unplanned pregnancy, there are things you can do to help carry the burden.
1. Buy, carry, and use condoms!
Aside from a vasectomy, condoms are the only other form of birth control for penis-owners. Purchasing condoms, having them on-hand, and encouraging the use of them is a great way to share the burden of birth control with your partner.
If you’re looking for a comfy option for you and your partner - Slipp is made without the use of common irritants like flavors, textures, spermicides, or glycerin.
2. Lend your time & money
Consider splitting or covering the cost of their contraception. For example, you could take turns purchasing condoms (or always be the one to purchase them). You could also pitch in on the cost of their hormonal birth control (i.e. the pill) or cover the cost of Plan B if it's needed (and even pick it up for them!)
3. Educate yourself
Take the time to educate yourself on reproductive health and the different contraception options and how they work. The more knowledgeable you are about contraception, the more you can take an active role in preventing unintended pregnancies by using condoms, supporting your partner's use of contraception, and practicing safe sex.
In Conclusion...
Ultimately, it is important to recognize that preventing pregnancies is a shared responsibility. Men can help play a role in sharing the burden of birth control so that the burden is not disproportionately put on the person who can get pregnant.
]]>pH is the measurement of how acidic or alkaline a substance is. pH runs on a scale of 0-14. Anything below 7 is considered acidic, and anything above 7 is considered alkaline (aka basic).
So, why do pH levels matter? Well, when it comes to vaginal health, pH levels tell us whether we're in a healthy range or not.
The normal vaginal pH level is between 3.8 and 4.5. Take another peek at the scale above and you'll see that it's moderately acidic.
However, vaginal pH levels tend to change in different stages of life. For example, people who have yet to reach their menstruating years, and after menopause, tend to have a higher vaginal pH.
Higher vaginal pH levels are more welcoming for unhealthy bacteria to grow. An acidic vaginal environment, on the other hand, creates a barrier that prevents unhealthy bacteria & yeast from multiplying too quickly and causing infection.
High vaginal pH can put you at risk of infections like Bacterial Vaginosis (BV) and Trichomoniasis (Trich).
Signs and symptoms of an unbalanced vaginal pH can include: a foul or fishy smell; an unusual white, grey, or green discharge; vaginal itching; and a burning sensation when you pee. Consult your doctor if you're experiencing any of these symptoms.
Use protection! Semen is alkaline, which can encourage the growth of certain bacteria. Yet another reason to stock up on Slipp!
Don't use vaginal soaps and do not douche (douching = cleaning out of the vagina with water or other fluids). These things can increase the pH level and encourage the growth of harmful bacteria. Reminder: your vagina is self-cleansing!
As always, consult with your doctor if you're experiencing any symptoms!
]]>
Desire can show up differently for everyone. It can vary over time, in different contexts, and be impacted by things like age, health, stress, and other factors.
Author and researcher Dr. Emily Nagoski acknowledges a framework of 3 types of desire:
Understanding the different ways people experience desire can help you better understand your needs and the needs of your partner. So let's dive into each one:
1. Spontaneous Desire
Spontaneous desire is what we typically think of when it comes to desire. It's that instant "spark" that comes out of the blue making you want your partner right there and then. It happens without any stimulation.
According to Nagoski's research, 75% of men and 15% of women experience spontaneous desire.
2. Responsive Desire
Responsive desire, on the other hand, occurs in reaction to sexual stimuli. For example, you might respond to your partner touching you or initiating sex in some way.
About 5% of men and 30% of women report experiencing responsive desire.
If you experience responsive desire, it can be helpful to acknowledge it and invite your partner to engage with you sexually.
3. Mixed Desire
Lastly, about 55% of women and 20% of men experience mixed desire - the combination of spontaneous and responsive desire.
In Conclusion...
There is no right or wrong way to experience desire. It can change over time and in different contexts, so the best thing to do is be aware of it and acknowledge your needs and wants. Get to know your partner's desire type, and see how you can work together to embrace your differences and keep the sparks going.
]]>Performative sex is the focus on sexual acts as a performance instead of having sex in a pleasure-focused way.
It's when we engage in sexual behavior specifically to benefit our partner while having little to no connection to our own bodies.
Vulva-owners are especially affected.
According to sex therapist Dr. Laurie Mintz, performative sex is hands-down the number one thing she sees among vulva-owning clients.
She says, "Many of the women I work with are thinking, I hope I look like this or I hope he likes this. It can happen when we receive, too. We may think, is he really enjoying this? Or stress out about how our vaginas are perceived."
I love this quote by Amanda Kohr, a journalist from Repeller:
"We're taught to satisfy the needs of others even if it means sacrificing our own. We care about looking good during sex because we aim to please, and we aim to please because we're told that's what makes us valuable."
So, what do you do if you're having performative sex?
There are a few things you can do to try to shift from performative to pleasure-focused sex:
1. Practice Mindfulness.
According to Dr. Laurie Mintz, "The antidote to being externally focused is to be internally focused."
2. Shift away from goal-oriented sex.
Instead of focusing on penetrative sex that ends when one partner orgasms, try removing the goal and focusing on feelings of mutual pleasure instead.
3. Acknowledge your right to pleasure.
Reflect on your beliefs and question what myths and social scripts you've internalized.
]]>When it comes to products like condoms and lube, you may want to avoid certain ingredients if you're prone to irritation.
Some ingredients to look out for include:
All 3 of these ingredients have been shown to cause irritation for some people.
2. You're not using lube.
Too much friction can cause irritation. It can also cause breakage if you're using a condom. Try adding a little lube to decrease that friction - just be sure to not use too much, or the condom could slide off.
3. You're forgetting to pee after sex.
Peeing after sex helps to flush out any bacteria. The urethra is shorter for people with vaginas, so bacteria can reach the bladder more easily. So for vulva-owners, don't forget to pee after sex to avoid an uncomfortable UTI!
4. You're using the wrong lubricant.
It can be a lot to remember, but different lubes have different uses. The key things to remember are: avoid oil-based lube with latex condoms, and avoid silicone-based lube with silicone toys. Using an incompatible lube can cause the condom or toy to break down.
Here's a handy chart to refer to:
5. You're not carrying your own condoms.
Unless you and your partner have agreed on who will provide the condoms, it's always a good idea to have your own handy. You never know when you'll need one, and you'll want to make sure you have the right kind to suit your needs when the time comes.
]]>
Studies have shown that condom use during sex may help lower your risk of getting bacterial vaginosis. So let's dig into the details:
What Is BV?
Bacterial Vaginosis, often referred to as BV, is what happens when there is too much of certain bacteria in the vagina. It is an imbalance of the "good" vs "harmful" bacteria in the vagina.
What are the symptoms and side effects of BV?
Many people with BV don't show symptoms. However, it puts you at a higher risk of getting a sexually transmitted infection (STI).
Symptoms can include:
How It's Spread
It is not completely understood how BV is spread. However, there are certain activities that can upset the bacterial balance in the vagina, which can increase your risk for getting BV, including: douching, not using condoms, or having new/multiple sexual partners.
The CDC recommends using condoms to help lower your risk of getting BV. Other prevention measures that may lower your risk include: not having sex, limiting your number of sexual partners, and avoiding douching.
It's important to note that condoms must be used the right way in order to be considered helpful in lowering your risk of getting BV.
The Research
A 2008 systematic review that looked at the sexual risk factors associated with BV found that condom use was protective against bacterial vaginosis.
Another study showed that condom use can reduce the risk of BV by 45%.
And a more recent study found that consistent condom use increases the colonization of Lactobacillus crispatus in the vagina, a protective species of vaginal bacteria that helps guard the microbiome against BV-causing bacteria.
Microbiome-friendly Condoms
It's worth nothing that not all condoms are created equal, and some ingredients might disrupt your microbiome.
Ingredients like Nonoxynol-9 (found in most spermicides), flavours, and glycerin (found in some lubes) can cause irritation and disrupt your vaginal microbiome.
Slipp condoms are free from these ingredients and made with just natural rubber latex and 100% silicone lubricant in an effort to ensure vaginal comfort.
]]>Here's what you should know to avoid possible breakage:
1. Lube is your friend.
Using lubricated condoms is a good first step. But applying additional lube on the outside for extra caution can help prevent breakage from friction.
Just be sure to avoid oil-based lubricant which can break down latex. Instead, stick with a silicone-based or water-based lube.
2. Size matters.
We tend to roll our eyes when we hear "it won't fit!" because, as we know, condoms can stretch a LOT.
However, when the condom is too small it has a higher chance of breaking. If you or your partner find the condom too tight, try looking for a different size - and stock up!
3. Store them safely.
Avoid keeping condoms in your pocket, wallet, or in your hot car. Condoms should be kept in a cool, dry place.
Storing them in temperatures over 104 fahrenheit or 40 degrees celsius can cause damage.
4. Check the expiration date!
Condoms have a shelf life of 5 years. Be sure to keep an eye on that expiry date before using.
5. Open carefully.
Remember to be cautious when opening. If possible, avoid using your teeth or sharp objects to open.
If the condom does break, stop right away and get a new one. If you're concerned about pregnancy, contact your health care provider to discuss emergency contraception. It is also good practice for you and your partner to get tested for any sexually transmitted infections.
]]>
There was no shortage of barely there, naked-feeling, or ever-lasting options to satisfy male pleasure. But what about vaginal health? And what about our pleasure?
On top of that, I learned that most heterosexual, sexually active women were not carrying condoms of their own. They were relying on men to provide the protection, and avoiding the condom aisle because - let's face it - they didn't feel very welcome there.
But there are plenty of reasons why women SHOULD carry condoms! (if they use them). So let's delve into them:
1. Vulva-owners have more at stake
Biologically speaking, vulva-owners have more at stake. We're more at risk for irritation or infection, or, if we become accidentally pregnant, we're physically responsible for bearing the child or going through a potentially traumatic abortion.
So if we have more at stake, why are we leaving it up to the penis-owners to buy the condoms? Shouldn't what is going inside of our bodies be just as important (if not more) as what is going outside of theirs?
2. Having ownership of the condoms gives you a sense of control
Since we have a lot at stake, many of us want to feel in control of our contraceptives. By providing the condoms, you get to choose your preferred brand or type (maybe Slipp 😉?)
This is an especially important point if you're sensitive to irritation or have an allergy to latex. All the more reason you should carry around the brand that works best for you.
This also gives you the advantage of knowing how the condom has been taken care of. For example, has it been sitting in his wallet in his back pocket for the past year? Is it expired?
3. You're helping to disrupt the status quo! (aka: smash the patriarchy ✊)
There's this backwards idea that if a man carries condoms he's "responsible" but if a woman carries condoms she's "promiscuous."
I couldn't disagree with this more. In my opinion, carrying condoms sends the message that you take care of your body. Just because a woman is prepared for sex doesn't mean she's having a lot of it. And even if she is having a lot of sex... who cares? She's protecting herself while she does it! That's what matters.
Carrying condoms helps disrupt this backwards notion and celebrate sex-positivity!
In Summary...
It's 2022, and it's time to feel sexually-empowered! For some of us, carrying condoms is a way to embrace that empowerment. And if it's not for you, that's totally okay too. Whatever makes you feel the most in control, safe, and comfortable 😄
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We’ve compiled all the tips and tricks below (for both beginners AND experts).
Psst: scroll to the bottom for a cheat sheet!
TIP #1: ACTUALLY USE ONE :)
The #1 reason that condoms fail is from people not using them. Make sure you put it on before sexual contact (not mid-way through intercourse) for effective protection.
PROPER STORAGE:
Do not keep them in your wallet, a hot car, or in direct sunlight! Store them in a cool, dry place (below 104 fahrenheit / 40 degrees celsius), and out of reach from sharp objects.
PREPARE:
Whether you’re the one carrying the condoms, or you’re relying on your partner to provide them - check the expiration date. For Slipp condoms, you can find the expiration date on the side of the box or on the back of each individual condom.
When it comes to opening the condom, do so gently with your hands. Do not use your teeth, scissors, or anything sharp!
Check the condom to make sure there’s no discoloration or damage.
PUTTING IT ON PROPERLY:
To be sure you’re unrolling it the right way, make sure the rim is on the outside so that it looks like a little hat. The rolled side should be out. If you unroll it the wrong way, get a fresh condom and give it another go.
Pinch the tip of the condom between your finger and thumb to make sure that no air is trapped inside (the condom may split if air is trapped inside). Leave some space at the tip. Our condoms have a reservoir tip that provides extra space.
WHILE USING:
Use lube to reduce friction. You can either apply lube to the inside tip before putting it on, or add it to the outside after putting it on (or both!). If you’re using latex condoms (I.e. Slipp condoms) do not use oil-based products with them (lube, coconut oil, vaseline), as it can break down latex.
If the condom is too loose or too tight, try a different size.
But NOT oil-based!!! I repeat: water-based or silicone-based lubes only!
PULLING OUT:
Hold onto the base of the condom and pull out while the penis is still erect to keep the condom from slipping off.
Never reuse a condom!
LAST TIP: DISPOSAL
Do not flush condoms down the toilet! Wrap it in tissue and throw it in the trash, then wash your hands with soap and water.
]]>Contraception prevents pregnancy. Abortion ends a pregnancy.
Emergency contraception (aka. the morning-after pill or EC) is capable of preventing a pregnancy. The mechanisms of emergency contraception are not the same as the abortion pill.
First, a reminder of how pregnancy works:
There's this belief that immediately after sex that you're either pregnant of you're not. But that's not really how it works. Sperm can live for up to 5 days in a person's body after ejaculation. So it can take up to that long for fertilization of an egg to occur. This is why you can get pregnant if you have sex a few days before ovulation. The actual fertilization can occur days after having sex, and then it takes another week or so for implantation to happen.
Second, how the morning-after pill works:
It's helpful to recognize that there are 2 types of morning-after pills:
1. Levonorgestrel (common brand name = Plan B)
2. Ulipristal (common brand name = Ella)
For the sake of this article, we'll call them Plan B and Ella.
Plan B (aka. levonorgestrel)
Ella (aka. ulipristal)
Third, how the abortion pill works:
The abortion pill can end a pregnancy through medication rather than an internal procedure. It can be used safely up to 10 weeks of pregnancy.
In Canada, the medical abortion regimen is sold under the brand name Mifegymiso, and includes 2 medications: Mifepristone and Misoprostol. It became available to the public in January 2017.
1. First, a Mifepristone tablet is taken.
In Summary...
So, now that we've covered how everything works, hopefully it's clear why the morning-after pill is not the same as a medical abortion!
At Slipp, we believe it is crucial to have options. Although we recommend always practicing safe sex, we think resources like the morning-after pill and medical abortions are crucial for reproductive health and bodily autonomy. We support your right to choose. 💜
How to Find the Right Birth Control Option
Finding the right birth control can be difficult. We’ve all been there, everyone has a story or has at least heard of a birth control horror story. I certainly have one. It took me five years of trying multiple options until I found one that I liked. All the while experiencing side effects and changes in my body that I was not down with. Skin breakouts, chronic UTIs, ovarian cysts, mood and sexual desire changes to name a few. Relatable?
But why does this happen? With 75% of birth control users describing their experience with contraceptives negatively, you would think we’d have it figured out by now. I can only imagine if birth control was a cis male matter they’d have personalized non-hormonal gummy bears you take once a month and abortion access would be like a drive-thru McDonald’s.
Many of us birth control users feel unprepared and unsupported while trying to navigate birth control, and I am tired of it. I launched Reya in hopes to build the solution I wished I had access to throughout my own birth control journey. Reya makes navigating birth control easy and empowering for people with periods. Reya’s digital platform and smart algorithms utilize in depth member profiles to match people with birth control solutions and help them manage any side effects or symptoms. Reya is your birth control best friend!
What is the best birth control?
Short answer: It depends! (eye-roll - I get it). But seriously, hear me out. Everyone’s experience with birth control is different and that’s great! The uniqueness of our health journeys is something to celebrate and encourage. This also means that what works for me, probably may not work for you and vice versa. It’s important to base decisions on information that is specific to your personal situation and this guide can help.
Long Answer: This guide :)
Step 1: Check Your Medical History
Chat to a doctor about this because medical history is one of the most important steps. Some people are not well suited to contraceptives that contain hormones - synthetic estrogen in particular. It’s unsafe for you to take birth control that contains estrogen if you have migraines with aura, have a history of or at high risk for blood clots, are breastfeeding, and if you have a disease listed under the contraindication list (something Reya and your doctor can help identify). This is for your own safety! Usually, you can still use hormonal birth control that contains progestin such as the hormonal IUD or any non-hormonal option.
Step 2: Analyze Your Past Experience With Birth Control
This might be my personal favourite step because it often doesn’t make it into the traditional contraceptive counselling conversation and I love teaching people the value in this step. It really can make all the difference.
Think back to all of the birth control methods you’ve used and see if you can place the brand names of them (your pharmacy would have this on file if you forget). If they were hormonal options like the pill, vaginal ring, or IUD, take a look at the active ingredients. Specifically, it’s great to look at the dose of the hormones and the name of the progestin. This is helpful info to have because you can learn which options you should avoid going forward if you had a poor experience with a previous method. Let me explain with a story. For about a year I used this one birth control pill option and overtime I realized that I just wasn’t have a fulfilling sex life anymore. I never found myself to be in the mood to initiate (which to be fair, was very unlike me) and if I did it was because I was so emotionally distraught for no reason at all I craved any type of human touch and interaction. Not very healthy as I’m sure you can imagine. Knowing what I know now, that pill method contained a type of progestin that is known to interfere with a person’s libido. Like… come on. Now when choosing a pill method I know to avoid that type of progestin.
You can do the same! If you’ve tried a birth control option (this is not just limited to the pill) and you experienced a side effect you weren’t stoked on you can look for other options that don’t use the same combo of hormones as that one. This information can also be used to note which level of hormones (low, standard, or high dose) is best for you. AND which progestin could be most compatible with your body. Wow. This is good stuff. Reya can help with this.
Step 3: Understand your Preferences
Another one of my favourite steps!
What you want is one of the best indicators of which birth control will be the best for you. Seems stupidly simple doesn’t it? Yet, sadly we are not always asked some of these basic questions when we ask our doctor about options. I’ll give you the trade secrets:
Your answers to these questions will indicate if your option should be hormonal or non-hormonal, the type of method (pill, IUD, condoms, ring, implant, Fertility Awareness Method, etc) and the style of use (for instance, continuing to take your active pills and skipping your placebo bleed when using an oral contraceptive pill).
Let’s provide more context with a fun little personal story.
I have a few birth control methods that I like and I know that work for me. I have a go-to pill and a couple of non-hormonal methods that I love. I sometimes switch between which options I use as my preferences and lifestyle changes (we will get more into lifestyle later). Switching is totally okay to do, as long as it’s not every month or so. That’s just confusing for your body. But for the past year I’ve gone off the pill I like and I’m using Fertility Awareness Method and barrier options. This is because STI prevention is important to me while with different partners and I’ve been in queer relationships where pregnancy prevention is less of a concern. I also wanted to explore bio-hacking with my menstrual cycle and to do this fully, I need to be off hormonal birth control (maybe we will do another blog just on this). Preferences change and they can change back! I will probably go back to the pill I know I’m comfortable with at some point too.
Step 4: Take a Look at Your Lifestyle
Your lifestyle is closely linked to your preferences but it still deserves a separate section. Some things to think about are if you’re someone with an irregular schedule and might forget to take a pill at the same time everyday (no shame, of course). Maybe you don’t want kids at all - long term or permanent options could be the solution for you (IUD, implant, sterilization or vasectomies). Or pregnancy prevention isn’t a concern but other things are like we’ll chat about in Step 5.
Step 5: Ask Yourself Why You Are Going On Birth Control In The First Place
Your goal with using birth control plays a big role in which option would work best for you. Of course pregnancy prevention is a common factor. How important is that though? This may influence which method you want anything from the FAM method to an IUD or sterilization. Maybe you’re dealing with endometriosis or PCOS, to which hormonal birth control can help alleviate your symptoms. This is super helpful for some people while they focus on other areas of their life. Other goals that you might have with birth control are STI prevention (condoms), acne management (some pills can help with this), or having regular periods (ex. pill, vaginal ring, patch).
Long story short: birth control is all about YOU. It isn’t, and should not be treated like a one-size-fits-all solution. When we have these conversations ahead of time we can understand where we’re coming from and find an option that fits within that and works for us. Not against us. Birth control is a proactive measure we can take for our health. It should not make us feel uncomfortable.
Reya can help. We’re here to listen and to support you through this decision making process. Our system will match you to the right birth control option for you, help you track and monitor any side effects, and enable you to feel confident with your birth control!
If you have any questions, want to chat or are curious about anything we talked about here, please reach out! Our team is always available on Instagram @reyahealth or through our website www.reyahealth.ca
]]>Today is launch day. It's been nearly 2 years since I started working on this endeavor. After a lot of research, testing the market, crowdfunding, and family & friends' support - we've brought Slipp to market.
For me, it's been 2 years. But from an outside perspective, this is only day one. For that reason I wanted to take a step back and reflect on why I started Slipp in the first place, and what we want the future of sexual health to look like.
It's not just about condoms.
A few weeks before I came up with the idea for Slipp, I was sitting around a table with a group of guys I barely knew. Somehow the conversation had drifted to the topic of sex, and these guys were talking about how they refuse to use condoms.
"If I feel like I have to use a condom with a girl, I wouldn't be having sex with her in the first place."
This annoyed the hell out of me. As a woman who chooses to rely on condoms as a method of birth control (one of the few non-hormonal options), I hated hearing this group of guys suggest that using a condom or not would be up to them and them only.
The reality is, women have a lot more at stake when it comes to sex. Biologically speaking, vulva-owners are more prone to irritation and/or infection. If we're faced with an unplanned pregnancy, we bear the physical responsibility of either giving birth or going through an abortion (and access to safe abortion is at risk as we speak). We have the option of hormonal birth control, but for some of us, the uncomfortable side effects aren't worth it.
So where on earth do the men who were sitting around the table that day get the audacity to decide it's their choice whether or not they use protection?
Maybe it's because condoms are primarily considered male birth control. External condoms are known as "male condoms." But in the case of heterosexual sex, isn't it equally (if not more) important to the vagina-owner what is going inside their body?
The condoms we have been seeing on the shelf speak directly to men. They're trying to convince men "it's like wearing nothing at all." They're perpetuating this idea that the most important part of heterosexual sex is male pleasure.
The minimization of female pleasure.
The more I started diving into the sexual health space, the more I started learning about the orgasm gap, and how straight females experience the least amount of sexual pleasure.*
It made me think about the times I was afraid to enforce the use of a condom because I thought it would mean asking my male partner to sacrifice his pleasure for my comfort. Why did I think his pleasure was more important than my health and safety? Let alone, my pleasure?
It turns out this is a typical part of the straight female experience. Many of us have this deeply engrained belief that our pleasure is not as important as our male counterparts.
Bringing it back to Slipp...
Once I started diving into market research, I learned that I wasn't alone in my experiences. Over 80% of the straight female-identifying surveyees admitted that they don't carry condoms with them. Almost 70% said they feel awkward buying condoms. And many of them said they've felt uncomfortable enforcing the use of them.
I wanted to create a condom brand that I, personally, could resonate with. I wanted a brand that would care about my health and my pleasure. That I could purchase discreetly online to avoid the condom aisle.
And at the same time, I wanted to spread the word about what I was learning. I want women to start reclaiming their right to safer sex AND their right to pleasure.
I want condoms to not be embarrassing. Particularly for straight women. There's this double standard that when a woman carries condoms she's promiscuous or 'always ready for sex.' Meanwhile, when a man carries condoms he's generally seen as responsible. I think we should acknowledge that women who carry condoms are simply practicing self-care for their body.
In Sum...
There is so much room for improvement in the sexual health space. Many of us face embarrassment, trauma, shame, and discomfort throughout our sexual lives. That needs to change.
I hope you can feel comfortable embracing your right to safer sex and your right to pleasure. I hope you can communicate with any sexual partner(s) you have about consent, mutual pleasure, and contraceptive options. Whether you use condoms or not, we're glad you're here to learn and grow with us. Thank you so much for your support!
- Victoria Lyons,
Founder of Slipp.
* Based on a 2017 study among Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Heterosexual Men and Women in a U.S. National Sample: https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-017-0939-z
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I’ve always had a tumultuous relationship with my body image and confidence. While most of this can be chalked up to internalized fatphobia & conventional beauty standards that dominate our society, many of us can relate to the discomfort & shame we feel when our body changes or doesn’t meet our perceptions. Self-love might feel unattainable for many of us, but acceptance and gratitude can guide you down the right path.
On a day when I was struggling to find the love I once felt for myself, I stripped down. Seems counterintuitive I know, but bare with me! My desire for self-touch awakened a need in me, and it wasn’t just pleasure; it was rediscovery. Getting to know this body of mine was like being re-introduced to myself. It was both uncomfortable & pleasurable, new & familiar, exciting & comforting. I had found myself again, in the most intimate and personal ways possible, and it was nothing short of empowering. I didn’t want this feeling to dissipate, so I made it a routine. Making this connection that self-pleasure could also be self-care, it was one of the clearest ‘a-ha’ moments I’ve ever experienced. If loving yourself is seen as a radical movement, masturbation is an incredibly powerful tool!
Getting familiar with my body has not only helped me to feel more comfortable in my own skin, its allowed me to better communicate my needs and desires to my partner. I know what I like (and what I don’t) and being able to express or demonstrate these things has made things that much more pleasurable for the both of us.
Maybe you’re struggling to find compassion for your body, and that’s okay! Remember that sometimes letting yourself be a little vulnerable might allow you to make great strides in accepting and celebrating who you are. These are just a few ways you can explore your body and find empowerment and acceptance (and pleasure!).
The mirror may seem daunting, but it can be an incredibly useful tool. If you’ve never seen your anatomy up close, that’s a great place to start! One of the ways I learned to steer clear of negative self-talk was by standing nude in front of a full-length mirror. Think of it as a gratitude practice: speak kindly to yourself, praise your body for the ways it feels pleasure, compliment the features you admire the most. Or take it a step further and masturbate in front of your reflection! Watch how your body reacts and changes as you reach climax.
Even exploring different ways in how you experience pleasure can be transformative. Maybe that means trying a new toy (or even going without one, if you’re already accustomed to a certain vibrator), or playing in a different setting (like in the shower or mutually with a partner). Even touching different erogenous zones on your body can be fulfilling. You might find a new sensation along the way, and in turn and find new appreciation for what your body can do.
]]>You probably heard a bunch of different rumors about how what you eat directly affects your vaginal odor and taste- we are looking at you pineapples. But the truth is there are no scientific studies conducted that fully explain the correlation between our diets and vaginal discharge.
It is important to note that vaginas are meant to taste and smell like vaginas- not flowers, perfume, or rainbows. The vagina is self-cleansing and does not require any fancy soaps, perfumes, or douching. In fact, those types of products can do more harm than good, as they disrupt your pH and can put you at risk for infection (more on that later).
But when it comes to nutrition, there are a few simple facts we can learn that can help us understand the role food plays when it comes to keeping our vagina healthy.
Understanding Our pH Levels:
Simply put, pH is a measurement showing how acidic or alkaline (basic) a substance is on a scale running from 0 to 14. A pH of less than 7 is considered acidic, and a pH of more than 7 is basic.
Healthy vaginas have a naturally acidic pH, within the range of 3.8 to 4.5, which is considered to be moderately acidic.
So how does this all work? An acidic vaginal environment protects itself against infections by creating a barrier that keeps unhealthy bacteria and yeast from multiplying rapidly. On the other hand, a high vaginal pH level makes it easier for unhealthy bacteria to populate, putting you at risk for infections like Bacterial vaginosis and Trichomoniasis.
Here is the good news: As long as you have safe sex and maintain good hygiene, your vagina is naturally programmed to protect and clean itself. Even though your body does most of the hard work for you, you can take the initiative to support it by adjusting your diet to enhance your vaginal wellness.
What To Do & Eat:
1) Water:
You have heard it a million times, and here it is again; staying hydrated seems to be the answer to almost everything.
Just like the skin on your face and hands, dehydration might make the skin on your vulva feel parched or scratchy. Drinking enough water (experts recommend a daily intake of eight 8oz glasses) increases lubrication, allows discharges to be released, and corrects the pH balance of vaginal tissues.
2) Probiotics
The live and active cultures in probiotics balance your pH levels and boost good bacteria, which help ward off infections. Before hitting the supplement aisle, consider more natural food alternatives packed with probiotics like yogurt, kombucha, kimchi, and kefir.
3) Fruits and Vegetables
What are fruits and vegetables not good for?!
4) Cranberry Juice
Fructose and A-type proanthocyanidins found in cranberries may help prevent UTIs by directly keeping the bacteria from adhering to the bladder wall. Go for some fresh fruit smoothies or try taking pure cranberry pills instead of drinking cranberry juice since the sugar in the beverage can increase your vagina's pH levels and make you more prone to yeast infections.
Keep in mind, cranberry juice is a preventative measure rather than a reactive one: contrary to popular belief, there is no scientific evidence that cranberry juice can cure UTIs. It may, however, help prevent them.
5) Coconut Oil
Coconut oil: the ultimate beauty secret. Increasing your intake of coconut oil will help you benefit from its anti-fungal and anti-bacterial properties that do a great job at preventing yeast infections. Additionally, coconut oil is a popular natural option for relieving vaginal dryness.
A Few Things To Avoid
To optimize your vaginal wellness, try cutting back on how many preservatives and highly processed foods you consume.
Additionally, keep in mind that some medications, such as antibiotics, might change your vagina’s pH levels, for they get rid of the good and the bad bacteria during the treatment process.
While it is always a good thing to prioritize your vaginal health, please remember a vagina is supposed to smell like a vagina. As far as timing goes, people tend to notice a difference within a day after eating a particular food, and it typically lasts for up to two days. So, there is nothing wrong with indulging in some sugary treats or, dare I say, some delicious grilled asparagus every once in a while.
]]>Sex is one of the most natural human instincts, but it is also taboo. Most of us form a preconceived perception of what sex is or should be based on how it is portrayed in popular culture or discussed in our social circles well before becoming sexually active ourselves. If we want positive results out of anything, including sex, we must first understand what it means to us through research and reflection. That is where sex journaling comes in.
A journal is not necessarily a notebook filled with records of events that took place over the years. Giving your innermost emotions and thoughts a voice, studies have consistently shown that journaling is a mindful practice that improves many aspects of your physical and mental health. While putting things into perspective, writing about how we react to sex helps us identify our feelings towards it through exploring our connection with pleasure and security in our bodies.
Getting Started
The first step is to decide how you want to journal. You can go old-school and purchase a regular journal or a notebook and structure it however you wish. If you are interested in journaling with your partner, you might want to invest in a sex journal specifically designed for couples. If you prefer to track your process digitally, there are so many apps for journaling; your sex journal can be whatever you want it to be!
Before putting pen to paper, ask yourself what you are hoping to get out of this practice. Do you want to get to know your sexual-self better? Is this something you believe can bring more intimacy to your relationship? After figuring out your reasons, set intentions and daily goals to help you maintain the consistency of your practice.
Links To Products and Apps
Practice
Unsure of what to write? Start by making a list of questions to use as writing prompts like asking yourself what worked best for you the last time you had sex. Maybe your partner did something that sparked a turn-on; explore that. What else would you have wanted to happen? Is there something new you have been meaning to try? There are tons of questions to ask yourself about how you felt during sex, so get creative and feel free to make up your own questions! Your sex journal isn’t limited to the sex you’ve had with other people, meaning you can also write about masturbation, something you’ve seen or read about that stood out to you, or even your fantasies. Exploring your feelings towards all types of sex can teach you something about what you desire.
Honesty is the best way to ensure you benefit from your journaling practice, meaning a joint journal with a partner might not work for everyone. When you are journaling on your own, you might feel like you are in a safe space which will help you get comfortable and open up. However, if you wish to include your partner in your practice, you might lose some of that security and be less willing to bring things up. Shadeen Francis, L.M.F.T., who specializes in sex therapy and emotional intelligence, suggests partners keep the journal in an accessible spot and decide how regularly they want to use it. You should also consider having a conversation with your partner about how you want to read the journal together to share what you have learned about yourselves and each other.
This journal is a tool for you to discover your sexual pleasure and experiences; therefore, it is useful as long as writing feels good or productive. While it can open the doors for better communication about sex in relationships, remember that this is a mindful exercise you participate in for yourself and should be a place for self-reflection.
]]>When does sex end? If you’re a woman who has had sex with men, chances are you’ve had an experience with sex automatically ending when a man ejaculates - even if you haven’t yet climaxed. 95% of heterosexual men say they orgasmed the last time they had sex, compared the 65% of women. This is also known as “the orgasm gap” - a term coined by Dr. Laurie Mintz.
This came up in a conversation I had the other day, and it led to an interesting topic: blue balls. We were reflecting on why heterosexual men might orgasm more often than heterosexual women, and one suggestion was that perhaps some women feel that if their male partner doesn’t ejaculate they might experience discomfort from blue balls...
]]>If you’re a woman who has had sex with men, chances are you’ve had an experience with sex automatically ending when a man ejaculates - even if you haven’t yet climaxed. 95% of heterosexual men say they orgasmed the last time they had sex, compared the 65% of women. This is also known as “the orgasm gap” - a term coined by Dr. Laurie Mintz.
This came up in a conversation I had the other day, and it led to an interesting topic: blue balls. We were reflecting on why heterosexual men might orgasm more often than heterosexual women, and one suggestion was that perhaps some women feel that if their male partner doesn’t ejaculate they might experience discomfort from blue balls.
Disclaimer: being pressured into any kind of sex is absolutely not ok. More on this later.
It made me curious - are blue balls a real thing? And does the cultural understanding of blue balls make some heterosexual women feel pressured to bring their male sexual partner to climax?
“Blue balls” is a term used to describe the discomfort some people feel in their testicles after a prolonged erection.
So is it a real thing? Yes.
The medical name for blue balls is “epididymal hypertension.” When someone with a penis gets aroused, the arteries that supply blood to the penis open up to allow extra blood flow. When the blood enters faster than it can leave it causes an erection. Fun fact - this happens to vulvas too. Once orgasm/ejaculation is reached the blood returns to the body, resolving the erection.
Sometimes, when a penis is erect for a prolonged period of time, it can cause pain, discomfort, aches, or a heavy sensation in or around the testicles. So yes, it’s a real thing.
But the phenomenon of the testicles actually turning blue isn’t very common. It is possible that in some cases, the oxygen in the blood can be absorbed by the tissue in the genitals. According to urologist Richard K. Lee, M.D., or Weill Cornell Medical College, this can “leave the blood with a blue-ish hue.” But this only occurs if there is some type of blockage - i.e. from erectile dysfunction drugs or a constrictive device like a penis ring. It is unlikely for balls to literally turn blue naturally.
The cultural understanding of “blue balls” suggests that the only way to prevent it is by ejaculating. This is false, and in my opinion, a potentially harmful myth.
Erections go away without ejaculation all the time. Think about spontaneous erections, which occur without physical or psychological stimulation. Like “morning wood” or that unwelcome erection that pops up in the middle of math class. These erections go away - and not always through ejaculation (or that math class would get weird).
It is possible that some heterosexual women have internalized pressure from the cultural understanding of blue balls - the idea that the only way to resolve it is by ejaculation. Which brings us to the most important takeaway: resolving someone else’s erection is not your responsibility. It is important to set boundaries and only do what you are comfortable with and genuinely want to do.
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